There is a transition period when you are dating someone.  You go from trying to show the best side of yourself so they will be attracted to you to showing the rest of yourself so they know what they are getting into.  This is, frankly, new to me because none of my previous relationships lasted longer than 6 months.  I am almost a year and a half into my relationship with the BF and we are planning on moving in with each other.  Friends know, parents don’t, yet.

                It seemed natural to move to this step.  His lease is up in August and if we are still together by then, which I am sure we will be, I want to be living with him.  We talked about it[i] and he acknowledged he had thought about it.  Ever since we’ve been making references to what we would want in a house/apartment.  “It would be great to live in...”  “We need a place where I can sing.”  This made our moving in with each other, in my mind, a done deal, only to find out later that the BF was having second thoughts.  I knew we had a pull out clause set for April that I either of us could use and not break the relationship.  Honestly, in my mind, we were all set for moving in with each other.  Through discussion, I have learned that moving in together is something we have to talk about.  We have to talk about it a lot and not just make references to when seeing a neighborhood we like.

When he isn’t having his “Carrie” moments[ii], he thinks it is a great idea and we are definitely moving in with each other.  One night I had to explain to him that I wouldn’t be on top of him when ever we are home because I am often not home.  For instance, I have rehearsal close to 6 days a week in March.  It is my 6^th show in 12 months, and the average show has a two month lead time.  Also, when not rehearsing somewhere else, I will be practicing in my vocal studio or working out, too.  These are all activities he knows about but doesn’t experience because I don’t them when we aren’t spending time together.  These are things that he needs to understand when he processes that we are going to be living together.  It isn’t us together all the time.  We both have lives.

                Only when I look at this move through other people’s reactions do I see moving in together as a big deal[iii].  People have congratulated me on it.  They have started calling my BF my Partner[iv], which I totally reject at this point.  Others seem mystified that we are already moving in together.  After talking to a bunch of women from the office the circumstances surrounding their marriages, I believe that our time line is totally reasonable[v].  It will be a month away from our second anniversary when we move in together.

Apparently the topic of homosexuality is a bit much for the BYU audience and my part of our Fine Art Classes show was taken down today. It seems that censorship is favored over support and love. This really saddens me. I found out because a friend of mine went to the show and said that my pieces had been removed and the show had been rearranged.

Published at thenewgay.net
Identity politics has been talked about a lot in this election.  Women were jazzed about Hilary Clinton being the first realistic woman nominee for president and commentators have been talking about the movement of Hilary Clinton supporters suddenly supporting Sarah Palin (who is actually running as Vice President with John McCain in case anyone forgot.)  She represents the Conservative Agenda and is the least woman friendly politician McCain could hope to have while still getting a woman for the job.   Why would women do this?

            Have you Seen the Gay movies out there?

            A few years ago, read an article about the success of the movie Eating Out, the producers decided to create a sequel, Eating Out 2.  I saw the first movie in theaters with a large group of other gay men and I have to say it wasn’t (unfortunately) the worst gay film I saw that year.  That is all I could say for the softcore underdeveloped piece of crap that it turned out to be.  After checking out dozens of “Gay & Lesbian” films on Netflix (and suffering through the D.C. Gay Film Fest where I have yet to see a decent movie), I feel I won’t be checking out anymore till I am boyfriendless, gay friendless, and in a small town hours away from a big city for so long that I will do anything for gay culture. 

The Gay films the kept me hoping to find something worth watching were the British films.  Get Real and Beautiful Thing are two examples of well acted movies that don’t resort to softcore tactics to keep the viewer interested (Touch of Pink also good though I didn’t like it all that much.)  Scrolling down the list of 4 star “Gay & Lesbian movies on Netflix you get worse and worse quality films, including the worst film I have ever seen, Regarding Billy, where someone decided to film a movie in their house and somehow managed to get it released on DVD.  The average rating on this “film” was 3 stars.  I gave A.I. with Haley Joel Osment 3 stars, Regarding Billy had acting worse than community theater productions, had no plot, and had the production values of a preschool’s pretending corner.  Seriously.

Who do I blame for my misfortune in renting this egregious film?  Other gay men.  People like my boss who likes it (whatever it may be, play, television show, movie) if it is gay and likes it even more if there is nudity, full frontal if possible.  After having lost too many hours trying to find the good gay movies amid the inflated gay ratings on Netflix, I have concluded that the 10 I have seen are about it.  What does it say about us that we accept these poor imitations of entertainment and even rate it as good because we are so thirsty for gay theme programs?  The miracle that we have shows like Queer as Folk and the soon to be canceled L Word does make me hopeful that my Netflix cue could some day have better gay themed movies and television shows.  Thank goodness for British imports.

I advise you not to be like those women switching from Hilary Clinton to Sarah Palin.  If it is between Gay Crap and Nothing, choose nothing.

http://slog.thestranger.com/2008/06/me_and_glaad_arent_the

To: jeffrey.glaser@fox.com; ngrad@fxnetworks.com; csaftler@fxnetworks.com; scott.seomin@fxnetwork.com
Subject: Morgan Spurlock’s FX series 30 Days: helping spread the lies
Date: Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:38:21 -0400

Perry Moore’s novel Hero, about the world’s first gay superhero, is destined for television.

read more | digg story


I read this book and really enjoyed it, as sparse as it was. It was a good teen fiction novel that could have used more editing. It is a thinly disguised version of the Justice League; Warrior Woman being the most obvious. I think the reference to the world's first gay superhero is a misnomer unless you are just counting the world contained in the book. Personally, Captain Jack Harkness from Torchwood is my favorite television gay super hero.

My ex[1] called me about 5 minutes ago asking if he could take me out for lunch in celebration of my birthday.  I haven’t talked to him since our relationship fizzled out 2 years ago.  We had dinner and then we never called each other.  Oddly, we had been going out for 5 months at that point.  I was trying to figure out how to dump him at that dinner and he thought I was going to dump him… BUT NOTHING HAPPENED.

Now TwoYears later, he calls me[2] and asks me to lunch.  I couldn’t say no.  As the gay community is so small anyway, I knew I would bump into him again.  It will be better that it is a controlled meeting instead of random.  At least everything is going well for me.  I have a boyfriend of over 6 months and going strong, I am singing in La Boheme, and I am good shape.  I totally have to workout tonight; it will make me feel better if not look better.

What do you think he wants?

If I were back in high school, knowing what I know now, what would I do? 

1. Get a counselor/therapist to deal with the gay thing earlier.
2. Drop Physics my senior year, maybe try the computer programming course.
3. Start exercising, dressing better, and get a better haircut.
4. Come out to myself, friends, and family.

All of these things I’ve done (except the physics one which is solely located in the woulda coulda shoulda category), but I feel like my life would have been better earlier if I had done these things.  I am very glad I never tried drugs and glad I survived drinking my way through my freshman year of college.[1]  I’ve seen/dated too many guys who used these as crutches to (not) deal with their sexuality, a way to cut themselves off from their feelings.  That is why there are so many gay smokers.[2]

I remember that I was so uncomfortable with anything dealing with homosexuality[3] because I was afraid that someone was going to point me out.  I used gay as a pejorative partly because everyone else did and partly to distance myself from it.

Now I look for guys from my high school in gay clubs in D.C.  I have heard of others from high school, but never see them out and about.

Being a teenager is about learning to accept yourself for who you are; figuring out what type of adult you will be.  Gay kids just have their own special hidden drama that suites being a teenager really well.

A Really Nice Prom Mess

By Brian Sloan

A gay romp through Washington D.C.  including a closeted boy who is feeling ready to come out, Cameron, and his not ready to come out boyfriend, Shane, his secret boyfriend.  The story is written clearly with a certain wish fulfillment in the action adventure genre.  The tone of the narrator is bright and entertaining with a distinct teenage flare.  We are spared the hustler cliché that plagues many gay fiction novels, but do run into drug dealers, a gogo boy (who also is a deaf-gay), and a hot cop.  This book had a certain amount of wish fulfillment for me as I would, retrospectively, have liked to be out in high school, have lusted after Officer Homocop[1], etc.  Being from D.C., I enjoyed the book for its familiar streets and landmarks.  Secrets[2] is gone, sadly, or otherwise I would probably go there, again, to see where the book took place.  Flying in the face of the either ponderous or horribly written gay novel genre, this book is a light quick read.  This is no At Swim, Two Boys[3], but it is solid and fun.

Mysteriously, I picked up the book because it was on display in the middle of aisle.  The cover didn’t scream gay, but I picked up on the chance I was right.  I have book gaydar I guess.  I feel I will be giving this book to my gay boys for Christmas.  God, I love books.

I haven’t written about Tim lately.  The relationship is going well so I don’t need to complain about it or question motives.  One thing I don’t do is mention him to my parents.  He runs through my brain constantly while I talk to them. Oh this would be a good time to mention Tim and his grandfather.  Or Oh, Tim and I went to see that movie together.  It feels so contrived to bring him up in conversation, mostly because I don’t bring him up in conversation.  My parents won’t ask about him because I don’t even mention his name.  Seriously, sometimes I feel like am totally out and sometimes I feel that it is only a façade.  I want to introduce him to my parents at some point so I need to mention him more than once.

Great things about Tim:

He likes the books I give him to read

He indulges my whims (like my learning how to cook)

He is a positive force in my pessimistic outlook on life

He seems to understand me

He has a better memory than me

I told my mother that I had been dating "someone" for 3 months.  Which implies a boy, she knows that, I know that.

Her reaction was, "You couldn't have said this yesterday day?  Do you really want to do this over the phone?"  Her voice was slightly cold.  And she asked no questions after that, so I had nothing else to say on the topic.  I couldn't think of anything else to say like: his name, where he works, where he's from, that I would like them to meet him at some point.  Nothing.

I was/am just a little preoccupied.  But my mom is my mom and I want to feel comfortable telling her these things and the only way to accomplish it is to do it over and over.  She'll come around and not mind eventually, unlike Corey's mom who may cut him off at some point (he says once he has a permanent partner.)  Chris's mom has, after something like 8 years, become fine with him and often asks about his friends and how we are doing.  We met her when she visited (last spring I think.)

A working relationship works better when you listen and commiserate with your boss/director.  I had a contentious relationship with my church choir director for most of the first year working at my new church job.  I left my previous job on a bad note as the new director fired all the old singers without telling us.  When I auditioned for my new job I didn't like the atmosphere, but I had started auditioning so late that I couldn't be choosy about where I sang.  My impression of the first rehearsal was very apt.  As I got some one on one time with her, she was very negative about my performance and, as I am a fantastic singer, I was annoyed and angry at her a lot.  The church, which is the most conservative Catholic Church I have ever been to, also regularly damped my mood.  No wonder gays turn away from the church.

After contemplating leaving after the end of the year, I decided to be friendlier to my director instead of complaining about her behind her back.  The constant negativity from her and me, and her nervous nature, drove me crazy till I started to converse with her as a colleague.  When I related to her more and more, I hated her less.  Once I got to know her she stopped criticizing me.  Maybe, I am doing a better job.  The reflexive nervousness that plagued me so much in the beginning is almost gone.  I feel like I understand her though the reverse isn't true as I never mention my personal life i.e. boyfriends.  I don't hide my sexuality well, certainly not during any sustained period of time, but not mentioning it works.  People see what they want to see and if they don't get that this bigoted church that literally will preach against homosexual while I, a proud gay man, am singing the hymns for them, that is their problem.  For rehearsals I will wear tight t-shirts and jeans.  Looking good isn't a sin :)

As I like to say, this church is supporting my gay life style.

They only reason I stay there is because they pay a lot better then the going rate for me to sing there.

Chris and I are leading parallel lives.

After a long drought, both of us are going on our third date with boys today.  We are both in 15 year old states of mind.  Seeing Chris so excited and happy is thrilling and he says the same about me.  It is ridiculous to think these things on the third date, my pessimistic nature keeps yelling through my romantic daze to protect myself.  Flippantly, Chris says he doesn’t want to get hurt my response was:

“Chris, this is something I have to remind myself, if you don't make yourself emotionally available you won't connect with anyone.  If you can't get hurt then you didn't open yourself up to the relationship. 
I have spent so much time being guarded that being open can be tough.  Enjoy it!    Hard boys are easy to find, finding good boys his hard.”

I have been enjoying the anticipation of dating and not worrying about what actually happens till it does.  And luckily, I have only been encouraged by what I have seen, otherwise I wouldn’t continue to operate on this enthusiastic high.

Wooh!