I am officially out of shows to do till after summer.  Trial by Jury plus Cabaret just finished, no reviews, but good crowds.  It was a labor of love for all the cast (no pay.)  It was pleasant enough will little rehearsal and everyone bringing their talents to the production.  Tim expanded my view on the cast.  Sometimes in a show I can’t see how expressive or interesting people are on stage.  I am more concerned with set up someone’s joke or set up mine, more setting up my joke.

            I had a fall in the show that was funny, but I ended up hurting my neck during Friday night’s show.  The audience didn’t necessarily think it was the funniest thing in the world, so it was okay to cut it.  I think about taking clowning lessons or something to learn how to fall correctly and other sorts of physical comedy.  The clown opera singer could get a lot of work.  The neck feels mostly better today.  I am still taking extra strength Tylenol to keep it from bothering me.

I do worry if a girl treats me like a "trophy." It's offensive and dehumanizing. If it's cool with you, whatever, but it's not going to help us make any progress in terms of public perception.

·         I say that if someone gets to know you that they will never treat you like a trophy.  It isn’t something to worry about; it is something to be dealt with.  I had a friend who wanted to treat me like her Stanford Blatch and I just shut it down.  I told her that I actually didn’t like shopping that much and my fashion sense isn’t that impeccable.  We continued to be friends, but I wasn’t the idealized gay that she had imagined from TV.  Don’t worry about it.

I do worry about if my bands are cool with gay people, and to jump to the conclusion that anyone under the age of 40 is cool with gay people is ... well, not smart. I can't TELL you how many homophobes who were my age or younger I dealt with in college. In the NORTHEASTER United States.

·         Yes, your age or younger while in college, immature college boys who are still learning how to be comfortable with themselves.  Frat behavior is a reflection of how straight boys are trying to learn how to be straight men, the end up going to this extreme that is totally unacceptable in the real world.  As people get older they mature and deal with situation they never have done before.  To quote the Simpson’s Streetcar the Musical “A Stranger is just a friend you haven’t met.”  The population under 40 is much more accepting of gays than any generation in the US.  People in the music industry have to deal with all sorts of people and being a big homophobe is a real detriment.  The more gays you know the less big of a deal it is.

In no way, shape, or form are gay and lesbian people over-represented in the media. And why does it make you happy that most people in the world are straight? I should be happy with one or two characters and be able to immediately relate to them because they're the guy ones that the straight white men have decided I'm allowed to have.

·         I said the arts not media.  Gays are over represented in the arts.  I work in the arts and I know that it is crawling with gays.  I am not just talking actors.  I am talking writers, directors, producers, designers, etc.

·         We need someone to reproduce. (It was a pithy throw away comment.)

·         Support gay media is all I can say.  Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, they are all underrepresented on television and the movies.  If we weren’t then we wouldn’t have to have our own movie festivals.  Honestly, it isn’t all white straight men making the decision.  Look at how X2 featured a coming out scene.  Bryan Singer, the gay director, made it feel like a gay coming out experience.

Every gay person is at least partially defined by their being gay. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.

·          That is true, but the key word is partially.  I used to be scared to make a gay joke because I didn’t want people to think I was a swishy queen.  Now, I don’t worry about it, I just want to create a laugh.  Being gay is a huge part of who I am, but all I need to be is me not some walking affectation.  Drag Queens are performers and gay men are people who function in real life.  They have jobs, buy take out, and hopefully have men they love who support them.

·         Yes, I am gay.  I am also an opera singer, a TV fiend, a brother, an uncle, a boyfriend, and a friend.  Being gay is just a one facet of varying importance depending on the subject.  It is also something that I think about everyday of my life, which tells you something.

If everyone says, "I'll just accept that this is the way things are," this is the way things will always be. If no one goes for ALL instead of just some, no progress will be made.

·         True, I went to the marriage rights protest.  I email, write, call my senators/representatives.  I watch, purchase, and support gay media.  There is accepting the way things are and there is bang your head against the wall to because the world isn’t exactly as you would like it to be.

Today at work I climbed three flights of stairs and was huffing and puffing by the end.  I know that means I need to do more cardio.  I do get weightlifting in regularly, but I need to do cardio so that doesn’t happen anymore.  I know that I could climb the stair a few times though I would be puffing it wouldn’t be hard.

            So, I went for a walk at lunch time.  It was warmer than I thought, so my light jacket wasn’t necessary.  The sunlight was soft and yellow suggesting happiness and energy.  The trees, the grass were green and full.  Particles of flowers and leaves scattered around my feet.  Dvorak played from my iPod first some beautiful singing from Rusalka then a cello concerto.  The homes I walked by, even with their fancy electronics, aren’t that different from the homes that Dvorak would have known, but I was listening to some of his greatest works only in my head.  On a gorgeous day, I could walk in the sun and listen to hundreds of songs contained in something the size of a cigarette case.  Music means more to me than almost anything contained in this world.  I want to devote my life to it and its beauty.  The sunlight, the green grass, the breeze keeping me cool deserves beautiful music.

Ganked from mofic, this is a list of AfterElton.com's 50 Greatest Gay movies of all time or something, and you're supposed to italicize the ones you've seen.  I sincerely hoped they aren't ranked in order because there are some AWEFUL movies on this list.  Also, the British seem to be better at making gay movies than Americans.

Thanks nerdboyout

This weekend I did a lot of cooking.  I spent most of Saturday afternoon cooking various dishes for Tim and me.  I had some recipes for traditional Thanksgiving food, sweet potato-pineapple casserole and pumpkins cake that I made.  It is kind of odd to make them if you label them as Thanksgiving food.  I eat sweet potatoes all the time and I just need a way of mixing them up.  Tim loves all things pumpkin, so it was natural to make it for him.

                Weirdly, I am on a health kick while eating tons of sweets.  I’ve had birthday cake, apple pie, and homemade pumpkin cake while I’ve been regularly doing yoga and lifting weights.  Contrary or working against each other, I am really going to need to cut out the desserts if I want to get into good beach shape.  Though, I have a boyfriend and don’t need to worry about such things in general.  Acting requires you to be attractive and I am more plain than attractive, having a good body is definitely an asset.  A director of a recent show wanted to get a young guy a part in his production.  I saw this boy at call backs and he was adorable, but couldn’t act or sing.  If he had been talented in any way he would have been cast.  That is the power of looks my friends.

                I love yoga by the way.  Sometimes, it is hard to start, to take the time to do it.  After starting, it really feels good and sometimes strenuous and most of the time worth it.  Sitting at a computer all day 40 hours a week is boring and bad for the body, thank goodness for Yoga helping me to stand it.  It used to be running, but I always hated running.  It was something I had to do to stay sane.  Now I feeling I go home and pray while exercising.

I haven’t posted in a while mostly due to the rehearsal process being everyday and then I’ve been battling illness for the past week.  Which is great considering we open on Friday and I may sound like crap, even though I’ve been looking forward to this show for months. 

                Honestly, the rehearsal period has been so much fun that I hate to cap it with a week of bad performances.  I am telling myself, willing myself to be well.  Zycam  WORK damn it.  Also, allergy medicine and Sudafed work damn it.  Recola WORK.

Actors are inherently insecure or egotistical.

I’m insecure.  I wait to hear a laugh before I know something is funny.  I need complements to know that someone likes what I am doing.  I do look for clues, but it is an insecure thing.  Luckily, the people in this production love what I am doing.  I know how to play this character.  Instead of focusing on the positive, I am thinking: can I play another character as well.

On Saturday, I went to Peabody for an audition for my last Young Artist Program of the summer.  If I don’t get this one, I am not going to do a program this year.  It went well, I got to sing two arias both Mozart.  Whether they have use for me is another matter.  I sang well and the judge requested a second aria.  That is good.

Sometimes the show you are doing is crap.  It’s unfunny or only funny the first time[i], it takes a better cast to pull it off[ii], or it is dated[iii].  Then there are shows like the one I’m doing.

                Last night, at rehearsal with the comedic timing of the cast and the great lines, I could barely get through my scenes.  I was corpsing to steal a term from Ricky Gervais.[iv]  Rarely do I ever laugh that hard.  The director was cracking up, the music director was cracking up, and I couldn’t take it.  Full on couldn’t say a word laughing to the point they think I am crying.  Plus we were in a very reverberant room, so my singing sounded lovely.  I love doing Gilbert and Sullivan because everyone thinks I am so good at it.  The choreographer said that I should be the whole show because she loved my facial expressions so much[v].  Last night was a really good night to be an opera singer.  It is for nights like those that I do this.  I think I have a little bit of a high left over. 

Too bad the show is a month away.  I need to hold onto this feeling.  Comedy is wonderful and tough to perform and keep fresh.

I had a migraine last night probably caused by congestion.  It was so bad I threw up.  I was so excited to continue the Wheel of Time, book 3 The Dragon Reborn, but I couldn’t read because my eyes hurt.  I was sure I wouldn’t be able to come to work today, though I made it.  No lasting effects besides getting up late this morning, big shock.  These things never happened when I was a child.  The frequency of such occurrences leads me to believe that these things will continue to happen throughout my lifetime.

On another note, I wanted a part in a show with a company I worked with before.  They told me after the last production I did with them that I could choose any part I wanted and that I was great wonderful, fantastic, amazing.  I didn’t respond to their initial email asking who wanted what.  I get a personal email two weeks later asking if I was interested.  I explain I have had a few auditions and I can’t commit to anything, but I would like to play Jupiter.  She responds back that it is already taken, someone responded to the email immediately, and I could have another (smaller) part.  I decline.  This has happened to me before, I’m all shiny and wonderful after a show then when the time comes for the next show I get offered a role I don’t want.  I shouldn’t be surprised at this point, but I hope to hold some memory in people’s heads.  I did a fabulous job, the directors were rapturous over me, and then a few months later they forget.  Sometimes, I don’t get it.  Now, I do.  I am the shiny penny.

I make plans and get upset when they don’t work out.  I line things up in my head, think through them, figure out what would work well for me then, maybe, express what I’m thinking to whoever else is involved.

I was supposed to move in with my boyfriend in September.  We hadn’t decided if we wanted to move to a new place or move into my townhouse.  I gave my current roommate 8 months notice, so that he could make plans, figure out what he wanted to do, etc.  He was thinking about looking in May, I asked him to wait to move out in September.  He said he was ready to live on his own, move back to Arlington near 66.

Cut to Saturday, Valentine’s Day, where I ended up having a lousy day all around.  Almost everything I planned went horribly wrong. 

My roommate asked, “Do you have time to talk?”

With an ominous sense of foreboding I say, “If it is something serious, please can we talk about it tomorrow?”

“Well, it’s time sensitive.”

“Okay, What?”

Then my roommate explained that a friend of a friend was moving back to the area and wanted to live in Arlington.  She is fine with the cat and he wants to give one month notice and move out at the end of March.

This wasn’t what I needed to top off the day.  I barely restrained myself from crying.  Now I need to get a roommate for April through August till my boyfriend’s lease runs out.  He has a penalty of $1025 if he breaks his lease and I can not do that to him.  I have money issues that revolve around the fact I am a miser.  I scrimp and save and try not to spend money or throw it around.  I don’t want my roommate moving out to amount to a $300 fee that I end up paying, let alone my boyfriend paying and extra months rent.

Oh, Craig’s List, please find me a person I can stand soon so I don’t rip out my hair.