Today I go to my first Washington Opera rehearsal.  I have wanted to get in consciously since I was a senior in College.

            I vividly remember a fellow singer, who I didn’t think was very good though others liked his voice, say, “I think I will sing in the Washington Opera Chorus,” implying that after he graduated he would audition and get into the Washington Opera Chorus.  I mentally scoffed at him thinking that it is incredibly competitive and it was naïve of him say he would sing with them rather than audition.

            About a year later I auditioned for the chorus.  I didn’t think I would get in, but I was expecting the next year or two to hopefully get in.  They were very nice, asking if I was in school.  I said I had just graduated and thought I might go back.  I didn’t get in that year or merit further comment for the next three auditions.

            Five auditions later, they once again asked if I had gone back to school.  I once again said no, I had been studying privately.  They said that the work definitely showed.  And I got in.

            I woke up this morning and I said, “I am singing with the Washington Opera.”  This is a crazy dream where I have been kicking my own ass over and over trying not to get discouraged.  It has been hard to go through the same audition process over and over and not make it.  This was my year and I made it.  I must remember this feeling when going to rehearsal becomes a pain and I am stand in the back of a clump of men.  It is a feather in my cap, a Maltese Falcon on my mantle that I can point to.  I don’t need to be a star, but I am good.  I am in fact a great singer.  I am in the Washington National Opera Chorus.

I got mentioned in a review of my latest show.  I've been complaining about it form day one, didn't want to do it, and now I am thrilled I got mentioned.  I misread it at first thinking it said I was incredible, but it actually said

"(Clearlyhere and two others with the smallest roles in the opera) all turned in creditable performances as singers and actors."

Thank you Washington Post!

I have learned the value of a tight t-shirt since coming out.  I get slightly disappointed that my regular non-t-shirt clothes don’t show off the body I attempt to keep in shape.  So, it has been nice that over the past month or two people have been commenting on my body.  Yay!  I went to visit Rob and Meghan and she said it looked like I had been working out lately.  A Safeway employee, who I used to buy sandwiches from regularly, asked if I had been lifting weights.  Yesterday, a cast member said something was huge.  I wasn’t sure was he was talking about, but he asked if I was flexing and I said no.  So, at least this working out thing has some positive results.  To me, my arms don’t look very different, but other people can tell.

 

Yay.

In the past year, I killed myself doing as many productions as possible with as many companies as possible and now I’ve hit a bump.  I kind of want to be done.  Done with singing?  I don’t know.  It is just hard to keep on working so much.

I’ve been singing with an Opera Company, XX XXX^[i], for the past 3 years going on 4.  My parts^[ii] aren’t getting any better at this point and I sort of sick of it.  They don’t make me want to come to rehearsal or perform with them anymore and I am sick of the director.  She just makes me feel uptight and intimidated.  Singing can be joyous and the joy is lost at XX XXX for me.  If I get sick of anymore people maybe I won’t be singing with anyone.

            That’s not true.  I’m waiting to hear from 2 companies to see what they want me to do in the current season.  I had so much fun with one of the companies last season that I can’t wait to find out what they are doing so I can be a part of it.  I want to get somewhere and I feel stalled at the moment. 

Right now, I do have Washington National Opera to look forward to at the end of the month, very professional and it is something I have been working on since I left college.  It really means something to me to have gotten in after 5 auditions and after doing Virginia Opera, I am really anticipating having a great time.

 

After not being very happy with my recording on Tuesday.  I am mostly pleased with Wednesday.  It was really good to hear myself and evaluate how I was doing.  Normally, I rely on other people to tell me what to change.  This time I took it on myself to do what I needed to do.  My self reliant streak also has a self doubt streak.

I've been reviewing tracks of myself this afternoon.  I am mostly pleased with the recording except in the live space there seems to be a sniffly breath sound.  I thought it was the recording engineer, but he says it was the fan.  I am going to get an edited version of the recording and hopefully get that sound out of the recordings.  I am mostly reassured, but not totally.

Update (minutes later):
The recording engineer called back and says that he screwed up the second day and there is nothing he can do.  He is offering to give me my money back or do a new session and pay for the pianist.  I took off time from work for this.  I don't know what I can do at this point.

I am making the recording today.  I spent an hour and a half fixing an arrangement I had written of “How can I keep from Singing,” but I am not going to use it in the recording.

 

Wish me luck.

 

Recording update 

1.       Choose the arias I want to sing

2.       Get those arias coached by a good coach

3.       Practice, Practice, Practice

4.       Get a pianist for the recordings and practice with them before recording

5.       Get someone to do the recordings

6.       Get both pianist and recorder to agree on availability

7.       Get a venue at which to do the recordings

8.       Do the recording

9.       Choose takes for CD

10.    Get the files

11.    Make CDs

12.    Send CD for auditions

I’ve practiced with the pianist, given her the copies of the music I’m doing, and have scheduled another session with my vocal coach.

I finally heard back from the recording guy and so I was able to send the application into the Church.  The Venue Application is IN.  They told me, I should hear on Monday whether I am approved for use of the space.  As usual, I have added those hidden steps that you have to do in arranging a project.  It is amazing how complicated it is to get these things done.  What I need to do most is not rush the recording process considering I will be paying for the venue, the pianist, and the recording.  None of these things are cheap, but I don’t want to calculate the amount of money I will spend.

Songs I’m recording

1.       “Vi ravviso, o luoghio ameni” La Sonnambula

2.       “In diesen heilgen hallen” Die Zauberflote

3.       “Every day at church” Tartuffe

4.       “Ave Maria” Schubert in G

5.       “Danny Boy” Traditional

6.       Wedding Psalm, (Maybe)

Now I am thinking I should include a wedding psalm, which is gorgeous and I sang at my sister’s wedding, to include for wedding promotions.

 

Recording update

 

1.       Choose the arias I want to sing

2.       Get those arias coached by a good coach

3.       Practice, Practice, Practice

4.       Get a pianist for the recordings and practice with them before recording

5.       Get someone to do the recordings

6.       Get both pianist and recorder to agree on availability

7.       Get a venue at which to do the recordings

8.       Do the recording

9.       Choose takes for CD

10.    Get the files

11.    Make CDs

12.    Send CD for auditions

Recording update

 

1.       Choose the arias I want to sing

2.       Get those arias coached by a good coach

3.       Practice, Practice, Practice

4.       Get a pianist for the recordings and practice with them before recording

5.       Get someone to do the recordings

6.       Get a venue at which to do the recordings

7.       Do the recording

8.       Choose takes for CD

9.       Send CD for auditions

 

I’ve practically got the venue arranged and I have a pianist. 

Rehearsal is set up for pianist. 

I am half way through step 4!

 

I had to add some steps (8 & 9) for the CD because I can’t dawdle in choosing which takes to use!  These are things I have to tell myself to get this thing done.

I’ve been feeling down about my job lately. It hasn’t been the most fulfilling job in the world, nor did I expect it to be. This is not the field I want to pursue and I easily get frustrated at that field anyway. After five years, I probably should move on, but I don’t because I could hypothetically get an opera apprenticeship and if I could do that while keeping my day job I would so have it made. In truth, my job just doesn’t keep me busy and the day can be long. With more than a month of vacation and a month of sick, I could theoretically be off for two months which is what these summer programs entail. I’m kind of tempted to just go for a full 9 month program and say bye-bye to the job. I didn’t get any bites last winter, but hopefully the work I’ve put in this year will make people notice me.
My voice teacher and my vocal coach both think that I am heading in the right direction, but as always it is up to me. I need to do whatever I can to get into good voice and be ready for singing before stepping into those audition rooms. How can I cross the threshold from good local singer to up and coming Bass Artist? Sometimes, I feel as if I am treading water and I should just give up on this dream. The effort that I need to maintain is just so great that it is disheartening to receive rejection after rejection. I need another feather in my cap, now.

To get certain auditions, I must make a CD to submit. I would like to get a young artist program that could launch my career into the big time. I hope I am at that point this winter. I have a few more years where I can either make it or stay local and I better try before I run out of time.

Things I must do to make a CD:

1. Choose the arias I want to sing
2. Get those arias coached by a good coach
3. Practice, Practice, Practice
4. Get a pianist for the recordings and practice with them before recording
5. Get someone to do the recordings
6. Get a venue to at which to do the recordings
7. Do the recording

I am at step 3 or 4. I am trying to motivate myself to move beyond these steps to step 6.

I started reading the first novel of Brandon Sanderson in July. He has taken over to finish Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series. I had basically given up on the swords and sorcery style fantasy. Robert Jordan did it the best and I would rather reread him than a crappy L. E. Modestat book. The final books of The Wheel of Time will be out soon and I initially wanted to wait and see if I could forget someone else was writing them, but I broke down and read his Mistborn trilogy. It is really fun to read. He keeps on twisting, plots drop or invert all the way through the book.

Last night I had to stay up to finish the 2nd book of the series. Today during my lunch break, I ran over to the bookstore and bought the final book of the series. I need to read it now. Stupid work.




The Hero of Ages by
Brandon Sanderson





View all my reviews

I sang on my voice teacher’s Studio Recital for something like the 10^th time.  The first time I did it was when I was 15 and had been studying with her for 3 months.  There were lots of inexperienced people on the program then and a larger mix in age range.  About 13 years later, here I am performing on the same stage in the Diva spots  (first on the program and then part of the final two or three numbers) and I am nervous as shit.  I’ve performed in 7 shows in 13 months in front of hundreds of people for reviewers and family and complete strangers and for some reason I was more nervous than when the Washington Post was in the audience.

                My performances wouldn’t have stood close scrutiny owing to the fact I messed up my word quite well in the first Duet.  I had one glaring, to me, blunder during my aria and vocally I attacked it instead of laying back and supporting.  My acting while good in the duet was stock in the aria because I felt it running away from me.  I forgot to breathe and concentrate on singing instead of all the people watching me.  I know that I sang well, but the performance wouldn’t have been enough for a casting director or a judge in competition.  It didn’t need to be, but I wanted it to be amazing.

                In an effort to push myself, I am entering the Met Competition this fall.  There are district, regional, and semifinals levels, but I don’t expect to get beyond district.  I am a slowly developing Bass and there are many rapidly developing Sopranos out there who work their ass off.  My vocal development has always been behind the 8 ball so I don’t need to win.  I only have three more times to enter and I will be better prepared if I do it more than once.

 

Observations about myself:

 

I have always wanted to impress the adults.  As a child, I was a ham who loved getting attention from the adults in the room.  I knew I was adorable as a child and that being a good little boy often meant sitting still and saying please and thank you.  Part of that is the performer personality and part natural kiss ass, I think.  My mother would pretend to take pictures of me when I was crying to get me stop.  I would always smile for the camera.

                Translating to my currently life, I am trying to impress the judges, the directors, the coaches, and whom ever else I sing for.  I want them to valid that I am good, even though I know I am good.  I have gone through a period where no one thought I was good and it was crippled me.  I suffered anxiety that I would never get to sing anywhere, that I had wasted my time studying music and my money on voice lessons.  Now, I am on the edge of being a great singer and I am trying to impress people into casting me in productions.  I feel like it is healthier now, though the outward manifestation is about the same.

I’ve finally let go of some of my old friends.  I had been holding on though I’ve felt left out for a very long time and now I’ve stopped.  They really haven’t tried to include me in the past two (fucking) years and my interests in going to bars in the city has been limited for the past three years.  I didn’t think our friendship was so situational, we functioned only on a social going out level and not beyond. 

Sometimes, I feel like a social retard.  I’ve never been good at it.  I have one two friends who I really connect with and then a few people who are more like acquaintances and that is it.  I have my boyfriend, Rob and Meghan, Heather, Sue, and that seems like it anymore.  I have music friends which are a situational thing.  I always mean to have dinner or something outside of music, but I never initiate it and neither do they.  Maybe, I should just do it.  I wonder if I don’t put enough effort into friendships. 

Is it me?  You can only go through life for so long before realizing, it isn’t everyone else’s problem.  It is yours... Meaning mine.  I am the one factor in all of these relationships.

01. Anyone who looks at this entry has to post this meme (which I ganked from   and their current wallpaper on their LiveJournal.
02. Explain in five sentences why you're using that wallpaper!
03. Don't change your wallpaper before doing this! The point is to see what you had on!



I used to have battlestar galactica season 4 wallpaper, which has now ended, but I was embarrassed when coworkers would see it when I did online training.
This painting is by Berthe Morisot, a female French impressionist painter, who I love.
It is peacefully and relaxing to see all day.
I love the idea of being in beautiful clothes on a French Countryside.
Who doesn't like impressionist painting?

It had a green backgrou to either side so I can read what icons are on my desktop.

I am officially out of shows to do till after summer.  Trial by Jury plus Cabaret just finished, no reviews, but good crowds.  It was a labor of love for all the cast (no pay.)  It was pleasant enough will little rehearsal and everyone bringing their talents to the production.  Tim expanded my view on the cast.  Sometimes in a show I can’t see how expressive or interesting people are on stage.  I am more concerned with set up someone’s joke or set up mine, more setting up my joke.

            I had a fall in the show that was funny, but I ended up hurting my neck during Friday night’s show.  The audience didn’t necessarily think it was the funniest thing in the world, so it was okay to cut it.  I think about taking clowning lessons or something to learn how to fall correctly and other sorts of physical comedy.  The clown opera singer could get a lot of work.  The neck feels mostly better today.  I am still taking extra strength Tylenol to keep it from bothering me.

I do worry if a girl treats me like a "trophy." It's offensive and dehumanizing. If it's cool with you, whatever, but it's not going to help us make any progress in terms of public perception.

·         I say that if someone gets to know you that they will never treat you like a trophy.  It isn’t something to worry about; it is something to be dealt with.  I had a friend who wanted to treat me like her Stanford Blatch and I just shut it down.  I told her that I actually didn’t like shopping that much and my fashion sense isn’t that impeccable.  We continued to be friends, but I wasn’t the idealized gay that she had imagined from TV.  Don’t worry about it.

I do worry about if my bands are cool with gay people, and to jump to the conclusion that anyone under the age of 40 is cool with gay people is ... well, not smart. I can't TELL you how many homophobes who were my age or younger I dealt with in college. In the NORTHEASTER United States.

·         Yes, your age or younger while in college, immature college boys who are still learning how to be comfortable with themselves.  Frat behavior is a reflection of how straight boys are trying to learn how to be straight men, the end up going to this extreme that is totally unacceptable in the real world.  As people get older they mature and deal with situation they never have done before.  To quote the Simpson’s Streetcar the Musical “A Stranger is just a friend you haven’t met.”  The population under 40 is much more accepting of gays than any generation in the US.  People in the music industry have to deal with all sorts of people and being a big homophobe is a real detriment.  The more gays you know the less big of a deal it is.

 

In no way, shape, or form are gay and lesbian people over-represented in the media. And why does it make you happy that most people in the world are straight? I should be happy with one or two characters and be able to immediately relate to them because they're the guy ones that the straight white men have decided I'm allowed to have.

 

·         I said the arts not media.  Gays are over represented in the arts.  I work in the arts and I know that it is crawling with gays.  I am not just talking actors.  I am talking writers, directors, producers, designers, etc.

·         We need someone to reproduce. (It was a pithy throw away comment.)

·         Support gay media is all I can say.  Blacks, Asians, Hispanics, they are all underrepresented on television and the movies.  If we weren’t then we wouldn’t have to have our own movie festivals.  Honestly, it isn’t all white straight men making the decision.  Look at how X2 featured a coming out scene.  Bryan Singer, the gay director, made it feel like a gay coming out experience.

 

Every gay person is at least partially defined by their being gay. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is.

·          That is true, but the key word is partially.  I used to be scared to make a gay joke because I didn’t want people to think I was a swishy queen.  Now, I don’t worry about it, I just want to create a laugh.  Being gay is a huge part of who I am, but all I need to be is me not some walking affectation.  Drag Queens are performers and gay men are people who function in real life.  They have jobs, buy take out, and hopefully have men they love who support them.

·         Yes, I am gay.  I am also an opera singer, a TV fiend, a brother, an uncle, a boyfriend, and a friend.  Being gay is just a one facet of varying importance depending on the subject.  It is also something that I think about everyday of my life, which tells you something.

If everyone says, "I'll just accept that this is the way things are," this is the way things will always be. If no one goes for ALL instead of just some, no progress will be made.

·         True, I went to the marriage rights protest.  I email, write, call my senators/representatives.  I watch, purchase, and support gay media.  There is accepting the way things are and there is bang your head against the wall to because the world isn’t exactly as you would like it to be.

 

Today at work I climbed three flights of stairs and was huffing and puffing by the end.  I know that means I need to do more cardio.  I do get weightlifting in regularly, but I need to do cardio so that doesn’t happen anymore.  I know that I could climb the stair a few times though I would be puffing it wouldn’t be hard.

            So, I went for a walk at lunch time.  It was warmer than I thought, so my light jacket wasn’t necessary.  The sunlight was soft and yellow suggesting happiness and energy.  The trees, the grass were green and full.  Particles of flowers and leaves scattered around my feet.  Dvorak played from my iPod first some beautiful singing from Rusalka then a cello concerto.  The homes I walked by, even with their fancy electronics, aren’t that different from the homes that Dvorak would have known, but I was listening to some of his greatest works only in my head.  On a gorgeous day, I could walk in the sun and listen to hundreds of songs contained in something the size of a cigarette case.  Music means more to me than almost anything contained in this world.  I want to devote my life to it and its beauty.  The sunlight, the green grass, the breeze keeping me cool deserves beautiful music.

I was writing a reply to someone else's blog then realized that it could be a blog post of my own.

I went up to see 9 to 5 the musical last weekend, Music and Lyrics by Dolly Parton.  The BF is a lover of Dolly, owns her CDs, and attends her concerts so he bought tickets ages ago and was the general funder of this trip to NY. 
As for the show, Alison Janney was great and stood out even with her spoken singing part.  Girl can't sing, but they wrote the part so she barely had to.  The other people blended into the production and Alison Janney was larger than life in a good way. 

I have to say I was conflicted.  I felt all sorts of envy because we couldn't go see more shows and the show I was seeing was practically ignored by the Tonys.  It ended up being great but I still wanted to see Alice Ripley in Next to Normal or Billy Elliot.  I want to get there soundtracks because if 9 to 5 was ignored they must be fantastic.

I did see two of the stars (Steven Pasquale and Marin Ireland) of the Neil LaBute play Reasons to be Pretty in the Starbucks across the street from their theater, the Lyceum.  We were chilling before seeing 9 to 5 and they were grabbing coffee before the show.  My BF said that the guy in line looked stoned and scruffy.  I agreed and then watched him and a girl walk straight into the theater next door.  Yay brush with fame.

Ganked from mofic, this is a list of AfterElton.com's 50 Greatest Gay movies of all time or something, and you're supposed to italicize the ones you've seen.  I sincerely hoped they aren't ranked in order because there are some AWEFUL movies on this list.  Also, the British seem to be better at making gay movies than Americans.

Thanks nerdboyout

for the meme.

* are the ones I own.  Bold are ones I've seen.  I think I detest only one of the movies I own.

1. Brokeback Mountain (2005)
2. Beautiful Thing (1996)* (I really like this one)
3. Shelter (2007)
4. Latter Days (2003)
5. Maurice (1987)
6. Trick (1999) *
7. Get Real (1998) (I really like this one)
8. Big Eden (2000)
9. The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000)
10. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994)
11. Longtime Companion (1990)
12. Torch Song Trilogy (1988)
13. My Beautiful Laundrette (1985)
14. Parting Glances (1986)
15. Just a Question of Love (2000)
16. Mysterious Skin (2004)
17. Sommersturm (Summer Storm) (2004)
18. Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)
19. The Birdcage (1996)
20. Sordid Lives (2000)
21. Hedwig and the Angry Inch (2001)
22. Shortbus (2006)
23. All Over The Guy (2001)  (I really like this one)
24. Another Gay Movie (2006) *
25. Boys in the Band (1970)
26. Philadelphia (1993)
27. To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar (1995)
28. Boy Culture (2006) (read the book, it was terrible)
29. The Wedding Banquet (1993)
30. C.R.A.Z.Y (2005)
31. My Own Private Idaho (1991)
32. Jeffrey (1995)
33. The Trip (2002)
34. Edge of Seventeen (1998)
35. Priest (1994)
36. In & Out (1997)
37. Eating Out (2004) (Horrible, Really Horrible, who ranked this shit)
38. Velvet Goldmine (1998)
39. Angels in America (2003)
40. Love! Valour! Compassion! (1997)
41. The Sum of Us (1994)*
42. Burnt Money (2000)
43. Transamerica (2005)
44. Victor Victoria (1982)
45. Bent (1997)
46. Yossi and Jagger (2002)
47. Bad Education (2004)
48. Gods and Monsters (1998)
49. Making Love (1992)
50. Rent (2005)

I score 26 out of 50